Guy Loses It At In N Out Over Opening A Door Without So Much As A Thank You

That man is pretty pissed off. In his defense though, he did open a door for someone, and they didn’t say thank you. We all know how discouraging that is. You do a nice thing for someone, and they couldn’t give less of a shit. It was probably the straw that broke his back. Guy probably let a car change lanes in front of him earlier in the day and didn’t get a courtesy wave. Probably left a penny in the little dish at the 7-11 earlier in the day and saw the clerk take it out and pocket it. And now he opened a door for someone without even a head nod. His suffering is real.

The real question is how can anyone be mad inside of an In-N-Out? Come on bro.

Girl Arrested For DWI Twice In 3 Hours — Once In Zombie Makeup

First mugshot

Second mugshot

Source-On Saturday morning, police in Gates, New York, arrested Catherine Butler twice in three hours for DWI.Butler, 26, was first arrested around 2 a.m. for DWI and for operating a vehicle without headlights, reports.Because Butler was dressed up like a zombie, authorities believe she may have attended a Halloween party.A friend picked her up at the police station and took her home.Less than three hours later, Butler was allegedly caught swerving on a local road and charged a second time with DWI, reports.This time, there was no zombie makeup.Police said Butler’s blood alcohol level was .11 percent the first time and .09 percent the second time. Both were above the legal limit of .08 percent, reports.Police said the second DWI marked Butler’s fourth arrest for driving drunk. The other two were in 2006 and 2011.Despite the earlier arrests, police said Butler had a valid driver’s license because her earlier DWI charges were reduced to impaired driving, allowing her to keep driving legally.

Is there anything worse than the Halloween walk of shame for a girl? Stumbling home out of your overpriced Uber in a slutty bumblebee/nurse/policewoman/pirate costume with a broken heel, make up runny, and more likely than not, a stomach full of Plan B pills. Everybody waking up for brunch in your apartment complex lobby is looking at you with judgmental eyes knowing you probably just annihilated some alcohol and dick a couple hours before.

Getting a second DUI 3 hours later. That’s whats worse. Better to just paparrazi sneak your way inside your house dressed like a zombie and be labeled a slut for a couple weeks then to hop behind the wheel for another $10,000 mistake. Absolutely love the fact that she cleaned herself up though. Like at some point between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m., Catherine took her costume off, did her hair, got herself composed, and just went out on another adventure before the sun came up. The logic behind that is downright staggering. Although to her defense, the morning after DUI is a pretty bullshit ass rule. That shouldn’t even be illegal. Who hasn’t jumped back behind the wheel a little too early in the morning? Once you’ve stopped partying and gotten a little sleep that should count as sobering up no matter what your blood alcohol level says.

Restaurateur Tracks Down One-star Yelp Reviewer and Gets Completely Out of Hand

Source- What do you do when you haven’t given the proper service that you’ve promised and receive a one-star review on Yelp? If you’re chef Bac Nguyen, owner of Ninja City restaurant in Cleveland, Ohio, you go full out stalker-status and hunt down the reviewer, then proceed to harass him with insane Facebook messages.Here’s the Yelp review Ruchu Tan left after his bad experience at the Asian-fusion restaurant.Instead of reaching out to figure out what his restaurant did wrong or find ways to win back his business, chef Nguyen decided to Facebook-stalk him and send him the following messages.

I feel for this chef on so many fucking levels. Since my office cubicle life has been mild for the past couple months, maybe this is just the kind of inspiration needed to jumpstart a life of a slave in a restaurant journal posts. And fuck the people who think this chef is crazy. Okay, ignore the fact it’s borderline psycho to write a 1000 word Yelp review. Who has time for that shit? You just don’t go back, and you tell your friends “oh, that place sucks” when they ask you about it. Who cares about strangers? Let them find out it sucks on their own time. So the chef had his jimmies a bit rustled, or so it seems.

(stop trying to zoom in. Just click the picture and it’ll blow up by itself.)

Awesome. Tore the guy limb for limb. Carnage everywhere. Makes me want to go there. If he puts half that awesomeness into his noodles, place has to be off the hook delicious.

Walmart Was Offering A Special ‘Fat Girl Costumes’ Section In Its Online Store

Source-This is an ill-advised category name, to say the least. “Fat girl” still remains a derogatory label, though it shouldn’t be. And it’s also unclear what the retailer’s motivations were for creating such a category. As Anna Merlan at Jezebel pointed out, many of the costumes featured in the “Fat Girl” section were also available on a page labeled “Women’s Plus Size Adult.” So was this someone’s idea of a funny joke? Or did Walmart actually think people were searching for “Fat Girl” costumes?Walmart did not immediately respond to a request for comment, but the section was taken down shortly after HuffPost contacted them. The “Fat Girl Costumes” page now redirects to an empty “Women’s Plus Size Costumes” page.In case you’re not a fat girl but just think it would be hilarious to dress up as one for Halloween, why not try the Walmart “Fat Tinkerbell” getup? Or purchase a straight-up fat suit?Halloween, brought to you by Walmart — the best time of year to make fun of any woman over a size 6.

Um can we call a spade a spade here. Which fat chicks don’t know they’re fat? It is what it is. I have gigantic hips. Like childbearing hips to go along with a fat man ass. If there was a section for, “guys with big ass hips”, I would appreciate it if they labeled it like so, so I wouldn’t waste any time perusing the regular waist section like an idiot. Is fat a bad word now too? Is it like how you don’t call retarded people retards, you call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded? You don’t call fat girls fat, you call your friends that are fat big fatties so they feel bad about themselves and lose weight because you don’t want to be seen with them? If so, it makes sense.

And I don’t see how changing it from “fat girls” to “plus size” makes any sense or matters. Oh, much better! I think I’d rather be called fat than plus sized. Plus sized just sounds degrading. Fat sounds funny. Everyone loves a jolly fat guy. But if you’re a girl, being fat or plus sized is gross, cut that shit out.

At least they didn’t say “curvy”. That is the weirdest thing to ever happen to the English language. Where curvy is now a word used to replace fat. I will never understand it. Chicks who actually are curvy, like say Kim Kardashian who was the posterchild for thick/curvy/every black guy’s wet dream, now has nothing to call herself because 300 pounds behemoths now call themselves “curvy”.

Mondays Here Again

Fact. I can’t blog properly on Mondays. It’s just not physically possible. Unless I’m in a zen state of blogging, my brain refuses to churn out more than 1 post. Doesn’t seem fair that you have to suffer for that. So here’s a new feature for Mondays. At least until I get fired or decide I’m too big of a pussy to work 80 hours a week. 15 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Let yourself forget that today is only Monday and that today is going to fucking suck. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old, whatever works. Enjoy.







PS. I found the whole Aldo Mendes fight shot with a Nokia fliphone. Amazing fight.

Drake — Explodes in Anger … Hurls Thousands in Cash To Go “Fight”

A lesser man might tell you this video was all a stunt to give Drake some much needed street cred, but not me. Biggest, baddest, mudderfucking half Jewish Canadian ever. Sucks the video cut off because somebody inside that club just got their ass mopped up to bits and pieces.

Seriously say what you want about Drake, but until the day comes that I can throw thousands of dollars on the sidewalk like an empty candy wrapper and just keep on living my life, I’ll just keep my mouth shut. Logging in to my checking account to see if I have enough to cover lunch today or if I should use my credit card isn’t exactly the baller life.


PS. I really GENUINELY hope this guy was some random clubgoing stranger and not a part of Drake’s entourage. Just paid off like half a years worth of rent.

Clowns With Sex Toys Arrested For Attacking People At Haunted House

Source- Halloween is the time for boo-scares and playful gore, creepy music and fear of the shadows — what is that behind you?! And of course, haunted houses. Some of them aren’t for the faint of heart (they even come with warning notices), but for many of us, we just have to make sure we go pee before entering so our fright doesn’t turn into red-faced embarrassment when we exit. Yikes. Onehaunted house worker, however, is accused of taking his job at scaring people to the extreme when he and a friend dressed as scary clowns tormented a mother and her high school-aged daughter along with her friends with dildos. Thirty-eight-year-old Regina Janito filed a lawsuit against haunted house employee Robert Keller, 23, and his unnamed accomplice saying that the men tormented her and her daughter and three of her daughter’s friends with dildos. Janito said that when they were about to go into the Massacre Haunted House in Montgomery, Illinois, the men dressed in bloody clown costumes attacked them.

Wait hold on, so this guy works at the fucking haunted house? OHHH. Well that changed everything. When I first read that headline I thought some random dude dressed as a bloody clown just showed up and started poking chicks with a gigantic purple vibrator. Would’ve been pretty fucking strange and warranted an arrest I guess. But this dude is on the pay roll? Ladies, quit your bitching PLEASE. This is EXACTLY what you signed up for. You didn’t go to the haunted house to have a nice dinner and to be treated with respect. You go to a haunted house to be scared shitless, and yeah, maybe get poked by a dildo or two which is probably pretty terrifying. That’s what haunted houses are all about. You go in not knowing what’s going to happen or what you’re going to see. The second you hand over your money and agree to walk into the house all bets are off. Your ability to say “I don’t want them to use these props because it makes me feel uncomfortable” effectively ends right then and there. Otherwise you might as well be going to an open house showing. That’s like going to a strip club and complaining about all the nakedness. Pay your $8 or whatever, walk into the house and be threatened with a dildo by a clown and quit crying. Enjoy yourself.

PS. How old is too old to be scared of haunted houses? I’m 25 26 and would rather walk into a burning building with no exit. That’s the truth. Haunted houses are fucking terrifying. I went to one as a kid and got so scared I never entered another one. I love Halloween because of the candy and chicks wearing slutty costumes but I can’t put it anywhere near my top 10 just based solely on my fear of Haunted Houses/mazes. That and the fact that we still have to fucking work.

PPS. These court documents are downright fucking hilarious.

Woman Sets Her Roommate on Fire Over a Thrown-Out Plate of Spaghetti

Source-Clearwater, FL police say 33-year-old Melissa Dawn Sellers was taken into custody this week after she went a little overboard and called her roommate some names she regretted the next morning. Just kidding, she lit him on fire!Police say Sellers and her roommate, 42-year-old Carlos Ortiz Jr.—spoiler alert!!!—had both been drinking when Ortiz broke the cardinal roommate rule of not fucking with the other person’s food.Sellers apparently went into a rage when she realized Ortiz had thrown out her spaghetti and meatballs, which she had presumably kept in the fridge for a week or two but fully planned on eating at some point, so if you need more space, Carlos, why don’t you just clean out your own damn shelf and shut the hell up?And then she lit him on fire.Reports Bay News 9:”She was setting little objects on fire, then that turned into pouring nail polish remover all over him, and then all of a sudden, the lighter sparked and he lit on fire,” said Causevic.Causevic said she threw water on Ortiz and tore his shirt off, trying to put out the fire.”When he got up, his face was like melting off, it was pink and sore,” said Causevic. “His lips were burning.”Ortiz was taken to Tampa General Hospital, where he is listed in critical condition with burns to his face, chest and shoulders.

Um so what are we reading exactly here? Because as far as I can tell, this guy got exactly what he deserved. You don’t get in between fat drunk people and food. Oil and water bro. Don’t come crawling back to her looking for sympathy trying to glue your lips back onto your face. I mean I guess there is a SLIGHT exaggeration from Melissa’s reactions, but at the same time, where the fucking fuck do you get off throwing away other people’s stuff, huh? Just take a perfectly fine gourmet Italian dish out of the fridge and toss it in the garbage? You made you chief of the waste disposal, chief? Number 1 on any given roommate agreement. If it’s not yours, don’t fucking touch it. Simple.

PS. That face and mole will haunt me the next time the words “Spaghetti” or “Andres” is brought up.

Mollywhopped: Hollywood Batgirl Gets Laid Out By The Guy From The Incredibles

Can I ask a question? Where the fuck is Batman? Taking a piss at Lids or at one of the dirty dog vendors?! Your girl sidekick is getting pummeled in the fucking street bro. You may want to keep an eye out on her. See this is what superheros don’t get. When you don the Batgirl costume you have a reputation to uphold. It’s no longer just about you. You’re representing Batgirl’s everywhere. So if you’re going to get in a fight you better fucking win.

PS. Worst fucking caption ever. Chewbacca didn’t stop shit. As far as I can tell from this Nokia flipphone camera footage, she got socked pretty fucking hard in the beginning and then about 20 seconds later she gets punched again only to be combo-ed with a judo flip before a black guy, who I assumed was Captain America, comes to the rescue. Can’t have Freddy Kreuger and Waldo stop Mr Incredible. Everybody knows Freddy Kreuger is fucking useless when we’re not sleeping.

PPS. Yesterday was national Super Hero day?

Bill Murray Doesn’t Use Tinder Because In Real Life Anybody He Chooses Wants Him Back

Well that was awesome, the fact that it was a dude was a little weird although I’m pretty sure sure even Bill Murray could convince me gay sex is sweet as fuck, but the point remains. Bill Murray basically admitted that Tinder for him makes no sense because he can walk into a room, simply say “Hi I’m Bill Murray” and basically hook everyone on his “you’re about to have sex with me” fishing line. Can you even imagine having that type of cult of personality? He’s old, he’s not great looking, but he still knows at any point in time he can turn on the Bill Murray charm and steal everyone’s girlfriend. What a life. What a fucking life.