Source- Halloween is the time for boo-scares and playful gore, creepy music and fear of the shadows — what is that behind you?! And of course, haunted houses. Some of them aren’t for the faint of heart (they even come with warning notices), but for many of us, we just have to make sure we go pee before entering so our fright doesn’t turn into red-faced embarrassment when we exit. Yikes. Onehaunted house worker, however, is accused of taking his job at scaring people to the extreme when he and a friend dressed as scary clowns tormented a mother and her high school-aged daughter along with her friends with dildos. Thirty-eight-year-old Regina Janito filed a lawsuit against haunted house employee Robert Keller, 23, and his unnamed accomplice saying that the men tormented her and her daughter and three of her daughter’s friends with dildos. Janito said that when they were about to go into the Massacre Haunted House in Montgomery, Illinois, the men dressed in bloody clown costumes attacked them.
Wait hold on, so this guy works at the fucking haunted house? OHHH. Well that changed everything. When I first read that headline I thought some random dude dressed as a bloody clown just showed up and started poking chicks with a gigantic purple vibrator. Would’ve been pretty fucking strange and warranted an arrest I guess. But this dude is on the pay roll? Ladies, quit your bitching PLEASE. This is EXACTLY what you signed up for. You didn’t go to the haunted house to have a nice dinner and to be treated with respect. You go to a haunted house to be scared shitless, and yeah, maybe get poked by a dildo or two which is probably pretty terrifying. That’s what haunted houses are all about. You go in not knowing what’s going to happen or what you’re going to see. The second you hand over your money and agree to walk into the house all bets are off. Your ability to say “I don’t want them to use these props because it makes me feel uncomfortable” effectively ends right then and there. Otherwise you might as well be going to an open house showing. That’s like going to a strip club and complaining about all the nakedness. Pay your $8 or whatever, walk into the house and be threatened with a dildo by a clown and quit crying. Enjoy yourself.
PS. How old is too old to be scared of haunted houses? I’m
25 26 and would rather walk into a burning building with no exit. That’s the truth. Haunted houses are fucking terrifying. I went to one as a kid and got so scared I never entered another one. I love Halloween because of the candy and chicks wearing slutty costumes but I can’t put it anywhere near my top 10 just based solely on my fear of Haunted Houses/mazes. That and the fact that we still have to fucking work.
PPS. These court documents are downright fucking hilarious.