There’s A Gay Avenue Butt Stabber On The Loose In Cleveland!

Source-A 24-year-old man was stabbed “in the butt” as he slept in a Gay Avenue home in Cleveland earlier this week, and he told investigators that although he didn’t know who attacked him, it was allegedly over a girl. Huh, I wouldn’t imagine many girls usually factor into Gay Avenue butt stabbings. Unless it has to do with pegging? I guess it could always be pegging.Oh, except it was that other kind of stabbing. reports:An emergency medical crew drove the man to MetroHealth Medical Center, where he finally opened up to investigators.The victim told police that the culprit goes by “Donte” and “lives in the hood.” He refused to say anything else about his assailant.I don’t want to throw around Omar Little comparisons all willy nilly irresponsibly or anything … But there was literally an episode of The Wire where Omar describes shooting a character named “Mike-Mike” in the butt over a cocaine disagreement. Cleveland Omar? Omar Little.

There is nothing that strikes me as dehumanizing and pointless more than a butt stabbing. It’s the fattiest part of your body so it’s the easiest to recover from, but you have to deal with the shame of being a man who got stabbed in the ass. A life of hemorrhoid pillows and going “Ooh ooh ahhh ahhhhhh” every time you sit down is a big time price to pay for any crime, let alone just being asleep while some dude comes in and shanks you in the cheek. I’ve got a lot of sympathy for the victim here. On the plus side this didn’t end up on Radiopaedia so hopefully this dude’s asshole is pristine as can be. Cheek damage sucks but if you fuck with the simplest joy a man has forever of taking a dump then you need to be locked away with the key thrown into the ocean, Count Montego style, no questions asked.

50 Shades Of Grey: Yay or Nay

Fellas, fellas, fellas. Have you learned nothing from me? Do I have to hold your hand through everything? 50 Shades Of Grey is your friend, not your enemy. Dating back to 3 years ago when it was the new book sweeping chicks off their feet making their pussies wet, right up until now when the movie is dropping for Valentines Day. A book turned movie that convinces average chicks to dabble in the world of S&M sex is most definitely a good thing, you fucking cavemen. Now I’m not telling you the movie is gonna be awesome. I’m not saying its gonna be porn on an IMAX screen and you’re gonna love watching this flick. But 50 Shades of Grey on Valentines Day is a huge opportunity. Its infinitely better than your usual Valentines Day plans. Ordinarily your girl comes up with some dumb ass shit for you to do on this made up day. You gotta go to like a cooking class or do salsa dancing lessons or some shit. Some sort of plans that are completely unrealistic and unenjoyable because its the one day of the year you gotta turn the keys over to your girl and let her come up with some idiotic night.

Well this year you dont have to worry about any of that shit. All your girl wants to do is watch this movie and then go home and never stop having sex. Its quite literally the first time in the history of this “holiday” that dudes should be cool with Valentines Day. Again I’m not telling you this movie is gonna be fantastic but “Seeing that movie opening weekend just sounds like the worst 2 hours I could possibly imagine” is ridiculous. I can envision SO many things worse than sitting in a movie theater and then going home and spanking my girlfriend and shit. For the first Valentines Day ever, guys and girls’ intentions have actually aligned because of this movie. Don’t fuck up an easy opportunity because you want to “go drinking with your friends.”

PS- Your real concern should be that this chick wants you to go to this movie with her and all her friends. Then that means you’re like one step away from her swallowing her coworkers jizz.

“Dude Gets Dropped After A Vicious Smack To The Face” Doesn’t End The Way You Though

The headline is absolute clickbait but I really couldn’t ruin the ending because it threw me off and you need to experience it for yourself. There’s one of the most hood black guys I’ve ever seen and he’s giving half rant half pep talk to some dude who stands there like a sad puppy. He talks a lot of shit and KOs the other guy with a slap. Still totally normal to me. Then all of a sudden, POW!

Real question, and most important reason for this blog. Why on gawds green earth is this lady hanging out with this crew? What’s the relationship? Is she their adoptive mother? Just there picking up a computer chair off Craigslist? Why is she also wearing a varsity jacket? I honestly have no clue and can’t begin to make heads or tails of the situation. This mystery is going to haunt me for the entire week.

There’s A Site Where Doctors Share X-Rays of Weird Things in People’s Butts

You and me, we have Wikipedia. Radiologists, they have Radiopaedia. If you can get past the clinical language, you can see it for what it really is: An amazing cache of images that show the human body at its extreme limits. And a place to find (and share!) x-rays of weird stuff people have put up their butts.Radiopaedia was founded by Dr. Frank Gaillard back in 2005, when he was studying to become a radiologist in Australia. As any doctor—or anyone who is weird and curious enough to spend her free time reading medical cases (hi, hello)— knows, there’s a lot of crazy shit that goes on in hospitals. Radiopaedia is an educational resource to share tutorials and knowledge about all things radiology, but it’s also little bit for amusement. Just a little.The site is not particularly welcoming, especially for the lay hypochondriac googling his symptoms. A warning at the top reads, “This site is targeted at medical and radiology professionals, contains user contributed content, and material that may be confusing to a lay audience” aka STAY OUT NORMALS. But dig a little deeper, and you see flickers of a radiologist’s sense of humor.Dr. Gaillard contributed many of the early images on the site, and they come with his wry observations. Take this X-ray of a deodorant bottle stuck up there (left), accompanied by the note, “It will take more than that to make things smell good.”Or this note about an eggplant (right):The shape of the eggplant means that once it’s [sic] equator has passed the anal verge it has a tendency to scoot up up and away. When that happens… well, it means an embarrassing trip to the emergency department, or perhaps the local horticultural society.

I know it’s the Internet and literally every single permutation of an idea you can think of is somewhere online but for some reason this surprises me. Isn’t this what we have patient-doctor confidentiality for? So if I accidentally land asshole first on a plunger or M&M display case or my own fist that I don’t have to worry about having my radiologist exchanging e-high fives with his buddies over the situation? I mean yeah you can’t tell whose asshole it is by the x-ray but if I’m making authentic hot sauce, like I always do, for someone with that pestle above, all it takes is a bout of food poisoning and an accidental trip to Radiopaedia and all of a sudden there are a lot of uncomfortable questions being asked. Big time breach of butt privacy here.

Either way lots of great butt objects here, but I’m feeling pretty bad for the person with the can of fly spray up their ass. 100% chance it’s probably just the guy who put an orange up there getting his intestines overrun by fruit flies. The butt stuff struggle is real.

This Man Is Living Every Man’s Worst Nightmare. Has 100 Orgasms Left In His Tank Before His Penis Stops Working

Source-I’m 34 years old and I have a finite amount of real, working, orgasm-capable erections remaining. They estimate I have about a hundred nuts left.You cannot imagine the feeling. I go in for what I think is a routine physical, and I’m blindsided. My whole life changes in an instant; like hearing you have six months to live. I honestly thought the doctor was fucking with me– how do you even process that kind of information?But I’ve now seen the full battery of experts and specialists. They call it ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa. Basically, there’s a reservoir in your penis that fills with blood when you have an erection. In my case, every time I get hard, it causes an autoimmune reaction, which causes a scar tissue build-up in the reservoir. Ultimately, the scar tissue will make it impossible to ever get a boner again. I’m the first case anyone’s ever seen, and no one can tell me why it’s happening.I’ve tried every conceivable therapy and medication there is, but nothing works. So I’ve been through the five stages of grief. I accept my fate. But that’s not the same as knowing how to cope with it. Masturbation’s obviously out of the question. I feel like I need to be super selective with women, as if all of a sudden I’m gonna start banging Victoria’s Secret models. Like I deserve it now, in some sort of twisted Make a Wish for a Dying Penis bid.[L]ately, I’m terrified of sex itself. I slept with one woman since the diagnosis, but when she wanted to go for a second round, a wave of incredible panic swept over me. I burst into a cold sweat and my chest felt like it was gonna cave in on itself. Since then I’ve been chaste as a fucking nun, but I toss and turn all night with crazy, disturbing sex dreams, and now I’m worried that I’ll lose a nut to a wet dream.

Working on the Internet you see a lot of things that are horrible. Death, insane crimes, sex tragedies. But something like this is an absolute NIGHTMARE because it’s something so relatable. The odds are, none of us will ever have “ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa”, but the thing is you COULD at any second. And then all of a sudden you’re meting out orgasms like whoever’s in charge of large brown potato sack bags of rice in North Korea. Genuinely horrifying.

So I guess the question is: What’s the strategy here? My gut instinct is you hope this email goes viral and the hottest women in the world take pity on you and you get a solid 20 nuts off that. Or get on Tinder, post that story, and hope you’re then choosing from the pick of the litter of girls who would 100% take great pride in being one of the last few rocks this dude gets off. Also given how out of left field this diagnosis was in the first place, do you even risk trying to hold onto the 100 orgasms? What if things deteriorate faster than expected and all of a sudden what was supposed to be 100 orgasms is now down to 50 and you just wasted half your batch?

Just so many things to consider here. Either way it shakes out, I think we can agree on one thing: I would definitely waste 25% of however many orgasms I had left while mindlessly browsing porn at 3am and going “Eh, I’ve got 50 more whatever.” It’s sad enough when you end up jerking off when you didn’t want to, just holding your sad quickly softening dick wondering where it all went wrong. I can’t even imagine the buyer’s remorse when you’ve got a finite amount of jizz to give. Penis Sophie’s Choice for real.

PS. Pat myself on the back for the melting popsicle picture.

That Hot Carls Jr Super Bowl Commercial Model Complaining To Interviewers That She Was Bullied In High School For Being Too Hot

Source-She is the model of the moment after starring in one of the sexiest Super Bowl adverts last night – watched by the highest TV audience in history. As Charlotte McKinney sashayed through the Carl’s Jr. commercial, it was a million miles away from her high school days at Boone High School in Orlando, Florida. There, she reveals to Daily Mail Online, she was bullied so badly she ended up leaving school at just 17. The curvaceous blonde, now 21, admits: ‘The girls were rude, they would call me w***e, slut, fake boobs, it was brutal, pretty brutal.’ At parties Charlotte says: ‘The girls would throw beer at me, just because I was the prettier girl in high school’ ’But it was hard for me, when I was 14 I was growing into my body and I had these boobs, I didn’t know what to do with them! But I just knew I was above it all, I have an older sister, Garland, who has my back and these girls didn’t matter.’ Speaking about her decision to drop out of school, she says that she also suffered because she is dyslexic, admitting: ‘I’ve had such a hard time with dyslexia my whole life. When I was a child I didn’t learn to read until I was a lot older and I was behind in my classes, it was such a challenge. ’Whenever people talk about dyslexia, it’s important to know that some of the smartest people in the world, major owners of companies, are dyslexic. We just see things differently, so that’s an advantage. I just learn a different way, there’s nothing bad about it.’ Charlotte’s parents Susan and Terry were always there for her, she says, and fully supported her when she left school.

Pity me! I was too hot growing up! All the guys wanted to have buttsecks with me and all the bitches wanted to be me! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Give me a fucking break, Charlotte. If you’re this hot and you let yourself get bullied, that just means you’re too fucking soft and just too nice. Chicks this hot should be dominating high school. They give fat bitches eating disorders. They make ugly girls into their bitches. They turn men into Egyptian slaves who worship the ground the walk on. Chicks this hot are supposed to live like American royalty in high school. Have you ever seen mean girls? When you interview other girls at Charlotte Mckinneys high school they’re supposed to say shit like, “one time she saw John Stamos on an airplane. And he told her she was pretty.” And shit like, “one time she punched me in the face. And it was awesome.” If you let gross ugly bitches push you around and call you a whore and throw beer on you, that is all on you. You’re just not doing high school right.

And dont give me that shit about being dyslexic. Hot chicks dont need to know how to read. If some ugly girl is bullying you because you have awesome tits you know what you do? You titty fuck her boyfriend. You let him motorboat you in front of everyone at the party. You break her relationship up and you make her miserable. Some nerd feminist virgin tries to make fun of you for being slutty you make fun of her for being ugly, tell her shes going to die alone, and you go fuck the high school quarterback who she has a huge crush on. It ain’t rocket science. This is Mean Girls 101. And if you’re as hot as Charlotte McKinney you should never lose when it comes to high school bullying. That’s like Michael Jordan getting made fun of in school for being too good at basketball.

CAUGHT ON CAMERA: Man Takes A Piss Into A Washing Machine

Source-Say what you will about HuffPost Weird News — at least we’re housebroken.Apparently the same claim can not be made for one Vermont gentleman, who authorities say relieved himself in a washing machine at the Waterbury Laundry & Dry, according to The Smoking Gun.Footage of the Dec. 29, 2014, incident shows the young man pull up a chair to the machine, take a look around, unzip his trousers, and allegedly urinate. When he’s finished, he zips up his pants and puts down the seat closes the lid (You see, we said he is a gentleman). Another man is also seen on camera. Authorities released the video in an attempt to identify the alleged washing machine pisser. They say that they were flooded with tips and subsequently identified the suspect, according to My Champlain Valley. The mess required hours to clean up, WCAX reports.

Just a spiteful, spiteful move here from this laundry pisser demon. And you wanna know the most spiteful part of it? He actually wiped up his own piss with his sweatshirt when he was done. Like he doesn’t even care if he gets piss on himself, as long as he gets some piss on other people as well. First he tried the tip toe move. Then he took the time to get a chair. Climbed up on there, and just emptied his bladder into some poor, unknowingly soul’s washing machine. Soaks his own sleeve in urine, and walks away with a smile on his face just knowing he secretly ruined someone’s load of laundry. It’s like jizzing in someone’s shampoo bottle. Some completely sociopath shit because you never even get a “GOTCHA!” kind of moment moment. You just go on about your life, living completely normal, laying your head down at night getting some sort of sick personal satisfaction that you’re sneaky ruining someone’s day even though nobody else knows it. Sick bastards, man.

Man Spends 12 Years In A Coma. Does Nothing But Watch Reruns of Barney For 12 Years

At age 12, Martin Pistorius suddenly turned from a healthy boy obsessed with electronics into a virtual ‘vegetable’ after falling into an inexplicable comatose state. He would spend the next dozen years trapped inside his weakened, helpless body, unable to speak or move, with only the children’s character Barney to keep him company for hours on end. ’I cannot even express to you how much I hated Barney,’ Martin recalled on the first episode of NPR’s new radio show about human behavior, Invisibilia. But according to Martin, it was his burning desire to get away from the affable purple dinosaur prancing with kids on the television screen in a South African clinic that gave him the impetus to get better. In a bid to gain some control of his day, Martin figured a way to tell time by tracking the movement of the sun across the room. Four years into his mystery illness, he started to regain consciousness and mobility, until eventually he learned to operate a computer to type messages and speak through a speech synthesizer. Speaking to NPR’s Invisibilia from his home in Harlow, England, Pistorius said his darkest hour came when his mother entered into his room and told him, ‘I hope you die.’ Joan Pistorius said she uttered those pitiless words thinking her vegetable-like son could not hear her. But he did. Against all odds, Martin continued living. For the next decade, his father’s life consisted of getting up early in the morning, driving his helpless son to a special care center, then picking him up eight hours later and driving him home, where he would be bathed, fed and put to bed. His mother initially wanted nothing to do with Martin, so great was her anger and resentment brought on by seeing her once-healthy boy turn into a ‘potted plant.’ At one point during those dark days, Joan Pistorius even tried to take her own life by overdosing on pills, but her husband was able to get her to the hospital in time. What Joan and Rodney did not know was that about two years into their son’s ailment, his mind ‘switched on.’ ’I began to wake up,’ Pistorius, now age 39, told NPR, explaining that all of a sudden he was aware of ‘everything.’ After learning to tell time by the sun just so he could escape the endless Barney reruns on TV, Martin slowly regained his will to live, in part thanks to a kindly special care worker who took a genuine interest in him.

Well, this is just about the worst fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Seriously its some nightmare shit straight out of the Twilight Zone. Buried alive in your own body with Barney on repeat for like 12 fucking years.And this poor bastard just had to sit there for years on end subjected to that cruel and unusual punishment. I guess it worked though. Motivated that dude to come back to life. My first thought of what I’d want on the TV if I was in a coma was straight up Bangbros. But then I’d probably never even try to wake up. I mean sure, it would be a pretty mean case of blue balls but at the end of the day all I really want to do with my time is lay in bed and watch porn so if they hooked my comatose self up with that, I’d probably never even try to wake up.

Putting aside the notion of waking up, what TV show do you think you’d want on repeat for 12 years in a coma? My first thought is automatically Friends and Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Easily the two most re-watchable shows of all time. Consistently funny. Easy to watch. I could watch them probably everyday as a vegetable forever.

Also thought about Jeopardy. There’s over 6,000 episodes of Jeopardy. That’s a lot of new episodes for you to watch before you even gotta dip into reruns. Plus you’d get smart as shit. It would be like how you read books and lift weights in jail and come out all smart and jacked, except completely minus the part where you get yolked. You would just be smart.

Maybe a show like Breaking Bad or Lost. Something that has a lot of subtleties or multiple layers that you could kinda dig into each time you see a rerun. You can pick up on new shit in shows like that even on like your 3rd time seeing an episode.

I know a lot of you will say The Wire. Fuck that. I’d rather do Barney for life than sit through 1 minute of Season 2 on those gawd damn docks again while Avon Barksdale rots in jail. I think I’d find a way to roll off my bed and somehow kill myself rather than watch that.

But seriously I’d probably just go with porn.

Christian Blogger Vows To Give Up Yoga Pants To ‘Honor God And Husband’

That nose ring is doing it for me.

Source- Christian blogger Veronica Partridge has been getting a lot of attention for a blog post earlier this month in which she vows to no longer wear leggings in public because of her religious beliefs. The decision — which she writes weighed “heavy on her heart” for several months — was done to inspire fewer “lustful” thoughts in men. Apparently, a discussion about the skintight garment led Partridge’s husband to confess to her that “it’s hard not to look” when he goes somewhere filled with leggings-clad women. “I try not to, but it’s not easy,” he told her, according to her to blog. The revelation that guys might be checking out Partridge’s be-spandexed bum is what led the 25-year-old to quit leggings and yoga pants — a decision she writes weighed “heavy on her heart” for several months.  Not wanting people to gawk at you is a perfectly reasonable desire. However, Partridge’s decision sounds like it stems not from her own discomfort, but because she feels personally responsible for not inciting sinful thoughts in men: If it is difficult for my husband who loves, honors, and respects me to keep his eyes focused ahead, then how much more difficult could it be for a man that may not have the same self-control? Sure, if a man wants to look, they are going to look, but why entice them? Is it possible that the thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings could make a married (or single) man look at a woman in a way he should only look at his wife? After spending a couple of weeks sans leggings, she writes, her “conscience is clear” and she feels she’s “honoring God and my husband in the way I dress.”

I’m reading this article and I see her talking about honoring God and her husband and her conscience and all that other shit, and do you know what I’m hearing? I’m hearing that this chick is a little sex bomb and she absolutely knows it. If you’re a fat ugly chick you dont wake up in the morning worried about if your ass in a pair of yoga pants is disrespecting God. You worry about that shit if you’re a closet freak who knows that her ass probably looks perfect in a pair of Lululemons. I mean think about how cocky that is. You pull a pair of spandex pants over your ass and your first thought is “Holy shit God is gonna be PISSED about this one.” God is busy making Russell Wilson throw interceptions and you’re convinced that tush is such a boner inducing weapon that he’s gonna take a break from that to be offended. When you’re saying to yourself “I want to be faithful to my husband but my ass in these pants might get me fucked” that’s when you know you’re cocky about that butt.

So while its a shame she might actually stop wearing those pants there’s no doubt in my mind she absolutely loves wearing them. There’s no doubt her husband loves her wearing them. I don’t even know why we need to impose Christian bans on spandex. Shake what the Virgin Mother gave ya. All I do know is that this dude gets the FULL treatment behind closed doors from his wife because she is sexual napalm and she knows it.

Thug Life. Guy Rents A Bulldozer and Fucks Up His Own House. Without His Wife’s Permission or Knowledge

Source- A New York man who rented a bulldozer from a local construction company and demolished the house that he lived in with his wife, whose name is on the deed and who did not know about the razing, told NBC 4 New York he did it because it was dilapidated and needed to come down. The foundation of his Middletown home was crumbling from years of disrepair, 48-year-old James Rhein said Tuesday afternoon, and he tried to get a permit to demolish it himself Monday but couldn’t because the office he needed to visit was closed due to the federal holiday.  ”So I took it down, that’s it,” said Rhein, who was arrested Monday in the process of demolishing his home. Police said he was knocking the single-family house to the ground with an excavator and tossing the debris in Dumpsters when they arrived; they said he didn’t try to run and was cooperative. Rhein’s wife is the legal owner of the home. She was not there when it was razed and police said she had no idea it was happening. Rhein said he tried to call her before beginning the demolition but she didn’t pick up her phone; all items left in the home when it was destroyed were replaceable, he said. Neighbor Darryl Horn said Rhein’s wife drove up to find her home reduced to rubble. ”She was very upset. She was in the middle of the road screaming, ‘her house, what happened to her house?’” said Horn. Rhein admitted to NBC 4 New York his wife was distraught initially. ”But now she’s over it,” Rhein said. “We’re good. I’m a good husband, what can I tell you?”

This guy is an absolute legend. Like Hero Status. Just rented a bull dozer and knocked down his own house with all his wife’s shit inside of it while she was running errands. Ran out to grab bread and milk and came home to an empty lot where your house used to be. Fuck a permit, fuck warning, fuck all of my wife’s worldly belongings. The house needed to come down. End of story.

This one goes out to every dude with a girlfriend or wife who wouldn’t listen to him. Every dude who’s ever dealt with a chick thinking shes always right. Every guy who’s ever waited for a chick who took forever to get ready or get something done. This is a metaphorical bull dozing. Threw away all your shoes to make room for her shoes/turn your bed into an ikea display/make everything about your house look like 2 lesbians live there. Every guy at one point or another has wanted to rent a bull doze and just raze his wife’s existence. Jimmy Rhein just did it in real life.