The Time I Almost Died Of Hypothermia In Korea

A three-year-old girl from America’s northernmost community has died after being locked in a freezing bedroom as punishment for wetting the bed.The mother, 28-year-old elementary teacher Esther G. Edwards-Gust, was apparently on the run on Saturday, a day after she and 29-year-old Richard Tilden Jr. were indicted in the child’s death. Tilden was in custody.The three-year-old who died is believed to be called Miley, while her younger sister is Macy.Both children were diagnosed with extreme hypothermia and flown to an Anchorage hospital, where the three-year-old died.Tilden later told authorities he’d been drinking the night before and opened the bedroom window to air out the room because the girls wet their beds, according to court documents. He also said the door’s latch was broken, making it impossible for anyone inside the room to open it.

This bitch is a prime example of why we need the electric chair back. Over the summer, I took my first work vacation and went overseas to Korea for 2 weeks. Most of my time I slept at a hostel. Now us in LA don’t understand humidity, but humidity is like the bitchiest woman on earth on her period for 2 months straight. No matter how well you describe humidity, you can’t grasp it until you’ve actually experienced it. I’d say the best one I’ve heard so far is, “it feels like someone is breathing on you all over your body.” Except that someone is a 300 pound behemoth named Helga who doesn’t own a toothbrush or believe in floss.

Anyways one day at the hostel, my friend brings a friend. Never liked the guy, I don’t even remember his name. I just know that whatever image I had of the word douchebag was replaced by his face. So this guy struts into my hostel a couple minutes after I come in one night and starts talking to himself about some bitches he drank with hoping one of us was awake to hear his impossibly fake story. And realizing nobody is awake or going to admit they’re awake, he starts thinking out loud about how hot it was. Then after maybe a minute I just hear the AC roaring. So now not only is the room getting fucking cold, I’m trying to sleep through a fucking jet engine right in my face. It took every inch of sanity in my body not to grab my pillowcase and fill it up with sodas and club his ass to kingdom come.

Woke up the next day and saw the thermostat at 15 and Mr Freeze nowhere to be seen. Fled the hostel like a little bitch. Anyways the reason I told this story is because everytime I told this story I thought the 15 was in Fahrenheit but it makes a lot more sense now seeing it as celsius because I probably would’ve been like these Chinese babies, freezing my little urine soaked testicles off.

PS. You may call me a pussy for not actually murdering the guy, but when you’re that drunk you can sleep through anything. I’ve slept through a fucking fire alarm before. A little hypothermia wouldn’t faze me.